Seven reasons - one shared map for relationship health practice
People often ask me why I created I Matter. The honest answer is that I spent years watching caring, capable people pull in different directions, and I wanted to give them a shared map. More specifically I created it because I was seeing:
1. Confusion, even among experts
When I trained as a clinical psychologist, professionals disagreed fiercely about what really helps. There were so many different approaches and therapies. However my question was how did they fit together? It seemed to me that if the professionals couldn't agree, no wonder parents and front-line staff felt lost. Since I first started out, research on the developing brain has brought very different traditions much closer together. I Matter is my attempt to pull those ideas into one clear, practical map that can hold distinctive approaches without so much confusion
2. So many people are struggling
Before psychology, I was a primary teacher in inner-city Birmingham. Every class had children struggling with learning, relationships or trauma, and every teacher and assistant was trying to help with very little training. As a new parent, I then also learned how steep that curve is at home too. The need was everywhere, but courses were hard to reach, so it seemed to me that accessible training in some foundation ideas was a vital priority - not just for the professionals but for parents 'as a vital but overlooked part of the workforce'.
3. Labels can hide the bigger picture
Since I started training, the use of diagnostic labels has increased not decreased. Once the domain of psychiatrists, the language of: ADHD, ASD, PDA and many more has become something the general public use everyday.. Diagnostic labels can open doors to support and finding people who understand some of the challenges.. But in practice the difficulties overlap hugely, and I saw that families can get stuck searching for the "right" label. My observation was that an understanding of how relationships and development normally unfold often makes the confusing picture often surrounding diagnosis much clearer, and shows where to head next.
4. Adult and child wellbeing are linked
There are dozens of approaches, but when I started out and was thinking about children, young people and families, many of them miss something fundamental. How adults are doing directly shapes how children are doing. This is at home and at school. Interventions were often targetted at the children leaving parents in the role of hunting for the right therapist. However, adults carry more responsibility in a relationship, so I felt that we needed to see much more focus on the understanding and skills needed by adults. Within this, self-care is not selfish,. It's what keeps us steady enough to tune in when things get hard. That is one of the key meanings of the term I Matter.
5. Understanding changes outcomes
I came to see that more therapy and more therapists alone can never meet the scale of need. I became concerned that this collective belief was - perhaps unintentionally - disempowering the very adults that needed help to feel more confident. My observation was that when regular adults in home and school are supported to understand what's happening, they stop jumping from strategy to strategy, make better decisions and find their own solutions. Shared understanding, in families, schools and teams, is one of the most powerful tools we have.
6. There is rarely a quick fix
When things are tough, we all wish someone could sort it out NOW. However. real change in relationships comes from better understanding, communication and teamwork, practised over weeks and months. That's why I Matter prioritises the building of understanding before the teaching of strategies, so that adults at home, in school and community, who often find themselves in challenging situations can work out what's needed with mor e confidenceand share the same language with the people around them, rather than waiting passively for someone else to provide the answers.
7. I'm a hopeful idealist
I still believe that when homes, schools and services work together, we can change things for children and adults. The name "I Matter" is about the difference each of us makes to the people closest to us, through the attitudes we choose every day.
In sum: why invest in gaining a map?
You don't have to have a map. But like the picture on a jigsaw box, it helps you find your way faster, and, if it is shared with others. it helps everyone at the table see the same picture.
One GP who took the training put it perfectly:
"I thought I was doing this course for professional reasons, but my relationship with my own child and partner has deepened so much as a result of what I have been learning through I Matter training."
That's the heart of it. The same map helps at work and at home.
I Matter is not therapy. It's relationship health learning: a shared map for working better together at home and at work.
Sometimes all it takes is one adult who won't give up. You could be that adult.
👉 Start with a free introduction
Dr Cathy Betoin, clinical psychologist, former teacher and parent
I first set out my belief that something important was missing in an article published in The Psychologist in 2016
You can see that article here: Is there a Gap in Practice Models?
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